The Draining Reality of Parenting a Toddler while Pregnant they didn't tell you about

Friday, October 21, 2016

#tmmandbaby
HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE! Let's take a break from all the beauty posts now and talk about something I have been wanting to write about ever since I got an email from one of my loyal readers. She congratulated me on my second pregnancy, and she asked me a really good question. She asked, 
"...my son just turned one and my husband and I have been thinking of starting with number 2. But how is it being pregnant while parenting a toddler?"

I say, that makes a good blog post right there and talk about what most mom feels about being pregnant while you still have a toddler at home. I have had several friends ask me the same question too so I'm going to help you out and give you and idea. If you are thinking about getting pregnant while you still have a toddler learning how to walk or running around (a toddler less than 2 years), please read this first.

You can trust me, I'm very pregnant and with a toddler sitting on my lap while I write this.

I am no supermom, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Every day I try my best to be a good and nurturing mom to my son but I am far from being super. I used to beat myself up about it but not being able to know everything about parenting a kid does not necessarily mean I am a bad mom. So, now that you are parenting a super likot toddler at home, I'm sure you're missing having a newborn around and your friends who have more than one child have already started to convince you to get started on your second, and oftentimes you will hear them talk of the joys of having their children so close together.

I've heard many say that a year a part is good enough and two years is perfect, but there are things these people don't tell you about being pregnant while having a toddler.

When you're pregnant with your second, you will start to notice changes in your toddler's behavior that weren't there before you got pregnant. Just when you thought you have already adjusted to being a new mom, things will suddenly turn -sorry to say- harder.

Don't get me wrong, I still do enjoy playing with my toddler and very much look forward to story telling time. But there are things you can do without the growing belly in the way.
1. You will start to think your toddler is psychic.

Can he tell that you have no energy when he feels that he all of a sudden requires your immediate assistance or suddenly has the burst of energy to run around the house after him? Can he sense that you finally just have the time to sit down to have your first meal of the day at 2pm and then all of a sudden he must stay on your lap and play with your food or wants a bite for himself even though you just fed him? Can he sense that what you really want is just to take a minute to lie down on the bed and relax when suddenly he starts running around with a dangerous object like a pen that you have no idea where he got it from? YES. Yes, he can. And your toddler will ask you for things, everything, when you have no energy or wits left even though he can't even talk yet. He will push you past whatever limit you thought your pregnant body was capable of because during your last pregnancy, you had all this energy. 

I know you must think that that is why you have a yaya. But there is only so much your nanny can do, and yes your toddler will demand from her that he hangs out with you every minute of the day when you're home. Yes, you have an extra pair of arms. But your yaya needs to take a break too and has to take time to wash bottles, wash the clothes, eat, and do some stuff too. If you have more than one yaya or helpers at home, then good for you! But can you really resist the cry of your toddler when he really just wants mama?

2. Your now growing belly will become the newest attraction at the theme park known as “Mama”

Yup! You red that right. Since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been kicked, body slammed, a climbing post and even used as a pillow as my belly gets bigger during pregnancy. And my dear, dear son believes that it’s the newest and greatest part of his home-version of mama-Gymboree. He believes my tummy is a pillow and a climbing frame. He believes it's like a bouncy castle if he tries to jump on it. He doesn’t seem to comprehend the fact that there is, indeed, a living human being in that small space who really doesn’t like to be body slammed to an even crampier space. I keep praying baby sister will not be born with 10 thousand bruises due to his big brother's curiosity about the grand, new mommy bouncy castle.
3.  You will start to envy first time moms.

Every now and then, you will look at your toddler running around like a wild bronco while your eyes are begging you to close them, each weighing in at a hundred pounds, and you will start to feel envious. You will envy first time pregnant moms who can take a quick or a long nap whenever the urge strikes them. You will want to shake them for them wishing they had the time for solitary moments because they don't know how it is to be weighing like a ton and your pregnancy sleepiness starts to pull on you while you have a one year old climbing a bed frame (or a chair, doesn't matter). And then you start giving unsolicited advise to these new moms-to-be to adore their sleep and cherish the freedom they have while they can still do things on a whim. Of course, they will ignore you because you have become nosey.

4. There will be no sympathy from your little one.

While you may be able to get loads of sympathy from your husband, family and friends for your latest magical pregnancy adventure, your toddler will not join in this sympathy. Friends and family may say, “kawawa ka naman...” But, your toddler will not. In fact, he will not care how bad mama feels or how much energy she’s lacking, no, he will want his favorite Hi-5 show and play time and he will want it now! And there better not be any excuses! Your toddler will have a “zero tolerance” rule and pregnancy is not an extenuating circumstance!

Oh, you have a fever of 39 you say? Oh, your body is aching all over from the viral cold you have caught because your immune system has gone low from lack of sleep? He won't care. It's bed time story time and it's time to sit on mommy's lap and have you read the story 3 times before he moves on to something else. Oops, sorry mom. He's still not sleepy.
5. Your toddler will cling to you for dear life—All. Nine. Months. 

So, you're probably thinking "oh, I have a yaya anyway." Nope. Your toddler will want you, and you alone. You will start to notice that something weird is going on. Your toddler who may have already been just a tad clingy to begin with, will now get worse and not even let you breathe in peace. “Why?” you wonder. You’re growing belly has him in a frenzy! They don't get it. You keep saying there’s going to be a new baby, and this kind of scares them. They will feel like they are going to lose you. They can tell something is different with your body and the way you and daddy are acting and feel they’re going to lose you forever. He will constantly want to sit on your lap, or would want you to carry them everywhere even though they run faster than a mouse. Therefore, you cannot sneak out of the room without telling them where you are going. God forbid you do, then you have a toddler screaming bloody murder from inside the room that it's not pleasant. It's not healthy to pick them up every time they throw a fit too. It’s not pleasant, and it's heart breaking. So don't even try to sneak away, because they will know, and they will find you!

I have actually become an expert on the phrase "out of sight, out of mind" Remember, a toddler cries 10 times louder when mama is around.
6. This pregnancy will feel 10 times harder than your first!

This pregnancy will feel 10 times harder and worse than your first! That’s a guarantee. And you won’t be able to tell if it’s because “all pregnancies are different” or if it’s because your mischievous toddler is running your fuel tank empty, won’t let you stop to eat and even take a nap, and won’t let you pee or throw up in peace. During the first trimester, he won't help you in the toilet pulling your hair back while you do that. No, you will never know why it seems harder. But, you can bet you will feel 10 times more tired and awful. Your back more painful, you're more tired. You feel more guilty about not having to spend more time with him... just... MORE.


7. You will share tantrums.

Yes, there will be moments when your hubby can’t tell who is the toddler and who is the adult. Some time during your pregnancy, you will find yourself crying alongside your toddler and you won't know why -from exhaustion? from your back pains? from lack of sleep? Your toddler is crying because he really wants to watch the car show on YouTube on your computer that you’ve been trying so hard to limit because you have noticed he has actually gone quite addicted to the damn thing.

You have been trying to entertain him with other things even though your oversized belly is starting to cramp from sitting on the floor playing with matchbox cars and constantly standing up and down from the floor.

You just want to sit down and get off your aching feet, ease your breaking back, and calm your frazzled nerves. But he will not have it. So, you will listen to him cry for 15 minutes while you wait for yaya to finish her lunch break and eventually, without realizing it, you will be crying yourself—possibly in front of the computer with him on your lap because you have lost the battle of good parenting, rocking him back and forth, mumbling words no one can make out. HORMONES, the beautiful and wonderful glory of hormones! 

Eventually, your toddler will stop crying and come to rescue you and look at you with a loving smile as if to say, “Don’t cry, mommy, I love you.” And you will feel like you are the toddler and they are the mommy comforting you.
Yes, this is the joy of having a toddler while being pregnant. I remember my sister telling me, who has four kids to wait and space out my pregnancies properly because it is not easy. It's not that I ignored her advise completely, it's just that it took me so long to get pregnant with my first that I didn't think it would be so fast for me to get pregnant the second time around. I honestly didn't think it would ever again happen to my hubby and I and we are just extremely grateful to God for blessing us with a second.

But I do know now what my sister meant, and there is a sort-of sadness to the whole thing because all of a sudden you realize your toddler isn't a baby anymore, and he has grown overnight. I am no longer physically fit to play with him or run around after him because all I want to do is watch TV and nurse my aching back and feet. I feel so guilty about feeling so selfish, and this is the constant battle I go through everyday.
I know it will all work out for me, my hubby and my dear son when his baby sister arrives. On some days, Henri enjoys lying down and kissing my belly, and I know he will be a good manoy to his little sister.

I tend to forget that there have been times when he has let me nap for about half an hour while he was in my care and I would leave him in his play yard -I would look back at those times and feel really grateful and thankful that he is in fact a really good boy. I am really excited about the next chapter in all our lives come December with a mixture of anxiety and scared feeling about what is going to happen, but I know that I have a lot of support from my hubby who has been a trooper in all the hardships that I have gone through as a new mom... and although the thought of having two little munchkins scares me, I do LOVE being a mom.

I won't tell you it will be easy, and it will be OK because honestly? I don't have it figured out. Decide about getting pregnant again with baby number 2 with what I wrote here. However, there will be a lot of really stressful times more often than the good because of all the stuff you feel while pregnant. Like running around trying to do your work, run errands, go home to your toddler, play with him and do other things while you are pregnant but, if this is the journey you choose when you want to have your kids' ages close together, you will then have to suck it up and be brave.


"Have your kids close together!" they said... “It will be fun!” they said...









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4 comments

  1. Love it Sabs!!! Idol! I can't even fathom having one, let alone have a 2nd with a toddler!!! You're an amazing mom, blogger, business woman and friend. I'll never grow tired readings your posts. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww... Miss you! Akala mo lang yan! Maybe in a few years you'll want to have one or two na din! Looking forward to our coffee or lunch date! Hehehe... Thanks for the support! See you soon k! ♥

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